I am in a season right now where I have to kill. Cockroaches!!! I hate them ugly bugs. That is why I feel that we are always sick. Calvin has asthma so that doesn't help. I have done everything to try to get rid of these horrid insects, but to no prevail they continue to make their way into my apt. My heart sinks into my stomach and I want to well up with tears when I think of all the work that I have to do to keep them away. My apt. Manager ( Lord have mercy, and please bless her) doesn't seem to care about the complex. A tree already fell on someone's car and totaled the front of it. And many other trees in the complex are breaking. They have had to put cones and yellow tape around certain trees. The laundry room is scary. My apt. is so old that the only way they will replace or fix anything is if we move. Our carpet is at least fifteen years old. And there is paint covering everything. No need to go further in explaining why I don't like living here. Except for the fact that the kids are not allowed to have any type of bicycles,skateboards,roller skates,toys, etc. outside of our gate area. I guess I'm blowing some steam. I really should have not put my hand in front of what the Lord wanted to do.
About seven years ago to the day, we moved out of our other aptment which was worse, yet I was happy because I had the opportunity to share Jesus with the whole neighborhood children. But we were in debt, Gabe and I where new believers in Jesus, We didn't have one dime to our name, we had a Hyundai (LEMON) which was about to cur plump on us, and no where to go. So I pressured Gabe to do all that he could to get us out of the situation. I won't go into detail. Somehow the apt. that they first showed us was not the one that they ended up putting us in. And I foolishly agreed. Even knowing that the carpet was old. I asked the property manager if it was old and she played dumb. I was desperate and took a quick peek inside and then sign our family into an aptment complex that was infested with drug dealers and tweekers. Everything anyone left on the porch was gone the next day. So I prayed every night. It sounded like Sodom and Gomorra every night. There's a bar on the corner so everyone would come strolling into the apt. after midnight burping cursing, taking Gods name in vain, fighting, yelling, throwing furniture out the windows, and haggling with the Police. I was tormented by my imagination. The maintenance men would walk around the roofs early in the mornings to peep at the women through the sky lights. They would smoke pot with the tenants. And nobody cared because everyone smoked pot wherever they wanted with no shame.
But the Lord used Calvin and I to reach the young teens. Everyday we would get ready to go to the pool, pray and then share with everyone there. One man had a huge gash in his back. It was healed but the scare was huge. I asked him what had happened. and he said that someone cut him with a box cutter at a warehouse where he worked. His girlfriend who was a big O girl was with him and her two year old. I shared Jesus with them. Every time after that I would see the guy walking home from the bar in the mornings with black eyes. I shared with a group of teenagers about the difference between the Harry Potter movies and the Lord of the Rings, movie. They where shocked to find out that JRR Tolken was a Christian, and after sharing with them about demons and hell, They all accepted Jesus. All of their parents where drug dealers or tweekers. One of the mothers that sold, flat out told me, I am a child of the Devil. I told her that that didn't scare me, and that I was once a child of the Devil. But I am now a Child of God. But anyhow, there are many more stories. The whole apt. staff was fired, and they brought in the Warden. A new lady to clean out all of the druggies, and begin fixing up the place. She was strick. But I liked it. Well she got married and moved to Texas. Then they brought in a lady we call Ginngy. And now slowly but surely the apt are going back to square one. Corrupt maintenance. Just like the others smoking pot with the tenants, trees falling, roach roaming.
My question is; how do I sing songs of praise? What is the Lord trying to teach me?
One day I was at church and they where showing a few pictures of our Missionary's in Ecuador and Mexico. I was so ashamed that I had complained about my problems. One of the lady's in the Mothers room leaned over, not knowing what I was going through, and said, " I herd that they have to boil all of their fruit because of the bugs ", I felt like an ungratefully American. The houses of other Christians where shacks. their churches went even built yet because of termites (Which I also have now. I herd they spit poison). The church building was smaller than my house. And everyone in the pictures looked happy. One little boy was sleeping with a small monkey on his back. There are no roads in Certain places in Ecuador because it rains so much everything is muddy. They have to build small roads to get from point A to point B. So How can I learn to be content hear?
The only thing that I can think of is #1 stay in Gods Word, and PRAY< PRAY< PRAY.
#2- MOVE. But what that doesn't mean that the next place wont have its problems too. Plus I don't have the means or finances to do so.
#3- worry and complain. Which is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do but gets you no where.
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