The past three weeks have been as tough as a dry piece of chicken. I finally realised that I needed to take Elias back to the breastfeeding center because his jaundice wasn't going away and he would cry while I nursed him, or would immediately fall asleep. He weighed the same after three weeks as he did when he was born: 5 lbs 12 oz. They said that he has a high pallet and is a poor sucker, no wonder why he has been so fussy and waking every half hour!
I am so glad that I went. I met a wonderful Christan lady who once attended my church and used to be part of the home school ministry. It was funny because she asked if I could come to the Mommy and Me classes. I asked her if I could bring all of my kids because I home school them and they are always with me. This sweet lady asked if I was taking a break from homeschooling. I was taken back by her question at first, wondering why it would matter to her. She immediately said she was only asking because she had home schooled for six years and also had four children and had difficulty nursing her fourth. She was so helpful, she even made a special trip to my house to deliver an electric hospital pump. I tried to pay for the kit, but she refused and said that God had led her to me and that she needed to listen to Him.
I was so glad that God had put her in my path.
It has been hard keeping a log, for nursing 20 min on right or left changing diapers, pumping, giving breast milk, and topping of with formula to do it all over again two or three hours later. Believe me, I want to give up but God keeps telling me to persevere whatever the outcome may be.
I need to remember that it's really not too bad, because if Zeek was my first, I probably wouldn't have had any more kids because he was a monster. I remember wanting to take him to another room to let him cry it out. The poor baby had a severe case of colic. The very word is a nightmare in my vocabulary. It caused lots of acne and postpartum depression. Now... Zeekie is my most calm, and as sweet and mellow as he is, you would have never imagined that his nickname was: The Sleeping Dragon. He hardly ever slept, and when he would, we would tip toe around the apartment afraid to wake him. He screamed all day and all night, until he was a year old. Then he had frequent night terrors because of allergies. He would wake every night screaming, and would not calm down or communicate as to why he was screaming, and we would have this ritual on and off for three years! Nothing would calm the poor kid, no vacuum, car ride, or swing.
Calvin slept through the night at about two months. He was a milk baby. He would gorge himself until spit up would come spewing out. I remember when he was first born everyone had left the room and it was just me and my first baby. Premature. 4 lbs. Back then they had the diapers with tape. I got the tape caught on his skin when I was changing him for the first time so I pressed the red panic button as fast as I could, and when the nurse came in I frantically explained what happened. She rolled her eyes, told me to figure it out and then slammed the door. I also remember the nurses rolling in what looked like a big tall silver horn on wheels. I asked them, "what's That"? They responded, it's a breast pump, Start pumping. I only remember getting about a half ounce of thick yellow stuff. So I panicked when I got home and simply supplimented. Of course now I understand the world of breast feeding.
Trinity was the easiest to nurse, (yet not at first. To tell you the truth I was deathly afraid to try again and thought that people were crazy to think that it was a beautiful thing. Cracked,bleeding,sore red, nipples, engourgement, pumping, hot flashes,etc,etc.In fact, Trinity's nick name was Barracuda.) but she was born to decide for herself, she is and has always been so independent. She is so sweet and lovable, but also very dominate and bossy towards the boys, and extremely shy around strangers, until they have been in our house for a day or two. Her vocabulary is huge, and she loves to cook and clean. I can't believe how uniquely different they were all created.
Through these various trails Gabe has been amazing! Mainly because he puts up with my frustration. Getting up with me at all hours, cleaning, feeding, baths,Doct. Apt.Etc., and getting up to comfort Trinity's nighterrors, or Zeekies growing pains, its a wonder the man hasn't cracked.
I've been able to get out of the house a few times. The second week I tried. I told Gabe to meet me at the park in an hour. So he took the kids to play with their bubbles. As I drove up, they all looked so adorable having fun in the sunshine. But as soon as I stepped foot on the grass, all gravity pulled, vertigo set in, and my feet were soaked (for some reason I forgot to switch from slippers to shoes when I left the apartment) and baby was crying. So not even five minutes later, Elias and I were back in the car, driving home. I had a huge headache and I was very dizzy. The labor and delivery were so tramatic.
Date 3/13/09
Last weekend I pumped and pumped and pumped so much that I was so stressed. Nothing was working for me. Nothing was happening. So I raced back to the hospital Monday morning to seek help. The lady that helped me has been working as a breast feeding counselor for twenty years. Some call her the "guru" of breast feeding. She helped me tremendously to where things are getting alot better. I'm not yelling "as much"<<<(Gabe added that) at my wonderful husband and darling children. They are all adorable but can drive a hormonal woman crazy at times. My house looks great. NOT!
I try to keep up but every time I turn around its time to clean again.
Over all Elias is looking so much better. He's such a little porker. He reminds me of Calvin as a baby. Always hungry and just a cute little piggy. I have to try to keep Trinity from wanting to be Mommy around him. So Right away I try to distract her by giving her a baby doll to copy me. Ezekiel has been waking up early looking for Elias which is funny because Zeek never gets up early. You can tell that all the kids are so excited and happy to have a cute little human baby of their own to admire, living in the house.
I went to my Bible study Tuesday night which was a blessing. We got to listen to a lady from our Church share about her missions trip to Tel Aviv in Israel. Some of the stories shared were heart breaking yet others were exciting. I'll have to share about that later. I am going to try to get to Friday school next week .
God has been teaching me so much through my trials of being a mom of four. I am realizing how much God loves me. I am overwhelmed with His tender mercies that are new each day. I am also learning that God does answer prayer. I am seeing certain prayers answered very quickly. And I am also seeing that the ones that are not answered or the answer is - wait are for a very good reason, all because He loves me. He's my Father in heaven and he cares so much not to give me everything I want.
It's bedy by time for me. I have to wake up at 1am, 3am,4,and 6am.
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